What No One Ever Tells You When Your Brother Gets Married
There he is. Standing at the beautifully decorated altar. He’s got his suit on, hair done for once, the guests are standing, and he stares back at the church doors as his gorgeous bride begins to walk down the aisle. Some beautiful messages are shared, vows spoken, tears of mixed emotions shed by many, and just like that another one of your brothers is married.
I have a big family and that’s even before you count any of the in-laws or little ones running around. On top of that, I’ve got all brothers. Yes, I’m the only sister to 6 fun-loving brothers. Maybe this is you too? Maybe you grew up with only boys who never wanted to play dress up with you?
Friend, if this is you too, we need to talk because I’m sure we would have a lot in common about what it’s like to grow up with the boys in the house.
Here’s the thing, I love my brothers so much and I’m so completely open about that, but what about how your relationships change with your brothers as each of you grow up and go through each of your different stages of life at different times? Maybe they got married 10 years ago or maybe they just got married last year. Each time one of your brothers gets married it changes your family dynamic and your whole future because a new person is added to your family, a sister is added and now you no longer have just a bunch of boys that you call your brothers, but you have sisters too!
To an only girl who never had sisters, this was like heaven whenever I found out I would be getting a new sister in the family. Finally the girls can take on the boys and I’m not so outnumbered! Yes, I’m sure you can imagine there are all sorts of emotions and mixed feelings on the wedding day about how your family dynamic will be changing and how your relationship with your brother will begin to change as he enters into a new chapter of his life. But even with all the changes coming and the many emotions, that’s only temporary because as you get to know your sister-in-law better each year, you realize that having her join your family is one of the bests gifts God could have ever given you!
It’s no secret that I share a lot about how much I love my brothers and the impact they have had on my whole life, but here’s the thing. I love my sisters-in-law too! And here’s another thing, they really aren’t sisters-in-law, they feel just like sisters to me and there are so many wonderful things you get to experience with a sister as soon as your brother says those two magic words: I do!
These are just a few of the golden nuggets I love about now having sisters that I bet you can relate to if you have them or it’s something incredible that you have the opportunity to look forward to.
- I have someone who understands me emotionally and doesn’t run from the emotions. My sisters understand why I cry sometimes just to cry and let the emotions release. They don’t try and change the subject right away. And if they don’t know what to say, they always know to give me a hug. Sometimes the boys don’t know what to say or they try to say something with the best of intention, but they still just don’t get it because honestly, it’s because they aren’t a girl.
- I have someone to go to the beach with or pool with who just wants to lay out and relax instead of playing an intense water basketball game with the kids. And not to mention, I now have someone who understands the phrase “I don’t want to get my hair wet.” Or “I feel bloated in this swimsuit, I’m not taking my cover-up off yet!”
- I have someone who I can chat with all about recipes and cooking and where to get the best coupons and what the best deals are at the stores. This takes black Friday and doubling up on coupons or discount apps to a whole new level!
- I have someone to do all the fun things with that I never had growing up. Getting your nails done, swapping magazines, and grabbing a quick coffee run to pick up a mocha with a sister is much better than going solo.
- I have someone to share a glass of wine with over some good girl talk. Drinking beer with the boys can be fun, but when they get in a heated match of video game soccer, get me out of there please! I’d rather watch the Holiday with my glass of Malbec.
- I have someone who knows what Pinterest is and loves it just as much as I do! We can share recipes, DIY tips, or some other super cute outfits we come across.
- I now have people to bond in the kitchen with while getting Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter dinner ready with. Finally! Making dinner and setting the table becomes more fun once you can do it with your girls.
- I now have someone I can call when I’m feeling anxious about something. Plus, she’ll totally understand where I’m coming from and why I might be feeling that way. She’ll have great advice about what helps the situation or she simply sits in that moment with me and listens which is just as powerful sometimes.
- I now have someone to watch chick flicks with, hit up the wine bar, talk about the cutest little clothing boutique that recently opened up in town, or just chit-chat it out with. It’s the simple things that you don’t realize you’ve been missing out on until you have sisters.
- I now have someone to share all my awkward dating stories with who actually gets it. Like when I went on a first date where the guy ordered ONE milkshake and TWO straws and I had known him for all of 10 minutes before my face is inches away from his. Uffda. #nothankyou
- I now have someone who likes to do crafts with me and other fun creative outings. Yes, my brothers are creative, all in their own way, but they don’t enjoy the same type of creative outlets like we do.
- I now have someone I can ask for advice from and who will understand it a different way than the male brain does. Does this even need any explanation? Sisters just get it.
- I don’t have to explain our weird family traditions to you + you embrace all of the weirdness. Christmas charades, jello dishes at Grandma’s for Thanksgiving, and not celebrating Halloween because Martin Luther is what it’s all about! Yep, you get it and I’m so happy you do.
- I now get gifts I LOVE during our sibling Christmas exchange AND I get surprised with gifts I LOVE. Having brothers get you things is sweet, but most of the time it is directly off your list, a gift card, or your mom picked it out.
- I not only now have sisters, but also such loving friends. I love each one of my sisters so much and would hang out with them any day of the week if I got the chance. Like if we were neighbors, they would be the Monica to my Rachel.
Having sisters join your family is a big change.
I’m not going to lie to you. It’s a REALLY big change. and yet the biggest blessing.
Yes, it is completely normal to feel unsure and hesitant about how this might change your family dynamic or how your relationship with your brother may begin to change, but that doesn’t mean the change is going to be negative. It’s just going to be different. It’s going to take some getting used to. It’s going to take some level setting of expectations. And it’s going to take some time. But as soon as you embrace that your family is changing and manage the expectations for holidays, family get togethers, and other things, that is when you can start to fully take in everything you have just gained in your life. A sister. Or in my case quite a few sisters.
My sisters naturally are one of a kind, just like each of my brothers that they decided to marry. They each bring something their own to our family and something completely unique that makes our family what it is today. I love each of them so much for who they are and for the fact that they are so different from one another! I’ve got some incredible sisters who I consider friends and who I know will always be there for me. I know that if I was ever in a crunch or I called them crying, or I just needed a Facetime wine date that I would have some amazing women who would all have my back.
That’s what you have to look forward to! Pray that your brother finds a genuine and good-hearted wife and then when that happens embrace everything you can about getting to know that new sister of yours. You two will be different and maybe you won’t even have a ton in common, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be one of the biggest blessings to your family!
So what about you? Are you anxiously anticipating what it will be like to have a sister-in-law? Are you worried it might not go so well? Maybe you fear you are going to lose the relationship you have with your brother? Let me know. Send me a note, friend. I’ve been through this 5 times and would love to connect with YOU and help you through it.
Hugs & Mochas,
Amanda
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Amanda,
Congratulations on another brother getting married and on gaining another sister in your family. I’m looking forward to gaining a sister (I had no sisters either growing up) when my brother gets married.