Open letter to my son on his first birthday.
One year ago you came crying into our life and I think it’s safe to say that is one cry of yours that your dad and I were so grateful to hear. I remember that Sunday so clearly. The sun was rising outside my window with beautiful colors right as I got the go ahead from my midwife to start pushing. As I began pushing, all I was focusing on was wanting to see you, meet you, and how your little heartbeat was doing. By 2pm I was shaking as I was holding you in my arms.
Your first year of life is something I never could have imagined no matter how much I had “tried” to prepare
for you to join our family. The way you grab my hand to hold it whenever you are trying to fall asleep or the way you wake up smiling in the morning as soon as you see daddy or I, makes my heart melt.
You sure do know how to have a good time and include us in on the fun. Seeing you and daddy play together or hearing you giggle for the first time are favorite moments of mine from your first year of life. You still love playing peek-a-boo and you grin so big whenever your daddy gives me a kiss in front of you that sometimes we just kiss around you to see that big sweet smile & dimple of yours.
Some mornings you couldn’t be happier just sitting at the kitchen 
counter “reading” through your TV Guide each month just like your grandpa does. It doesn’t take much to make you happy and we love how happy you are to see all your family. Seeing them hold you and give you lots of love is so special to see.
The highlights from your first year of life are too many to count, but some of the special ones that stick out to me are:
- The day you got baptized and became a child of God. (Tuesday, July 18th, 2023)
- Your first time seeing Christmas lights and being obsessed with them.
- Seeing the dogs be obsessed with you and being so concerned whenever you cry.
- Your first flight to Arizona and your fun with painter’s tape the whole way there.
- When you first started crawling and then crawling up the stairs.
- Your first camping trip and keeping mom & dad awake with your squirmy body in the tent.
- All your endless giggles at the dogs when they play together.
- The way you smile as we pray before dinner and especially when we get to “Amen”
The days have gone so fast sometimes and yet the nights have also felt like the longest to get through in those early months. Along the way, it’s made me realize how much I’ve changed and how grateful I truly am to have you as my son and to be your mama.
I’m grateful for all the times you’ve helped me slow down and be in the moment. I love how you’ve made me laugh more, be silly and just have more fun with the simple things in life. Every memory your dad and I now make feels more special because you’re a part of it. You’re our little miracle.
I feel like I’ve grown up so much while taking care of you this last year. I’m not the most patient person, but
with you, my patience has grown in a big way. The number of times I find myself praying for you, for us, and others has certainly increased. I’ve grown in my faith & trust in God while also becoming more connected to my “mama intuition” that God’s given me. The level of self-sacrifice has reached a level I didn’t know was possible. You taught me how to ask for help & *accept* help, how to communicate my boundaries, and realign my priorities to what truly matters. Some days all that matters to me is that you know Jesus and woke up still breathing. (Yes, that’s a fear I have often, that one morning you just won’t be breathing. I find myself checking often when you’re in your crib. And yes, I understand I’m probably just a little bit paranoid about it. I just love you so much!)
My mama (your grandma) taught me how my energy affects you and how just the way I show up and hold you can calm your sweet tender soul. You sense my energy and I sense yours. We will forever be connected this way.
My son, I wish you endless adventures and unlimited joy. I hope your days are filled with giggles and your sweet smiles forever. I wish you curiosity for this world and that you wonder and dream big while staying focused on Jesus. I hope you always know you can crawl into my arms anytime of day for a hug for as long as you want. Our home is your safe place and you belong to us just like we belong to you. I’m so grateful God gave us you for this life until we return home with him.
I pray you learn kindness and compassion and give it out freely in your own way. I pray you grow strong bonds with friends and family all the years of your life. I pray God protects you daily and gives you a strong sense of faith and strength no matter where life takes you. I pray you have a heart of gratitude and unconditional love for others and for Jesus all the days of your life.
Today is your birthday, son. We love celebrating you – we always will. Bruno, your blue eyes sure sparkle and you’ve got your daddy and I wrapped around your little finger. We sure are smitten with you!
Love you forever little B,
Mommy
The Soundtrack To Your First Year of Life –
- Rock A Bye Baby (Bae Bee) – To fall asleep to
- Misty Mountains – Lord of the Rings (Richard Armitage, The Dwarf Cast)– To get you to stop crying
- Next Thing You Know (Jordan Davis) – The song you came home from the hospital in
- Miracle (JJ Heller ) – The song mommy & daddy listened to on mornings after being up all night
- I Am Light (India Arie) – Mommy listened to while growing you were growing in my tummy
- Tom Petty Songs – Dad’s Morning breakfast dancing for you
- Sugar Sugar (The Archies)– One of the many songs for dance parties with mommy
- Jesus Loves Me & Away in the Manager & At The Lambs High Feast – For falling asleep at bedtime
- Jingle Bells – This one made you smile all through Christmas and during diaper changes
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So many heartfelt thoughts, so many changes in one short year, so much love!