Live Like You’re Dying In Your Life
Real Life Rant – Brace yourself
All your life you always thought turning 30 was so far away. You thought that when you get there, you are old. You thought that at 30 you will have life figured out. You thought that when you turned the big 3-0 everything would make sense and that you would be doing everything that you ever imagined for your life. Right?! …… Totally wrong.
Have you ever felt that way?
Whether it was turning 30, 35, 40, or 25? Is there that one age where you had it pinned as the age where you would have everything in life solved and you would be soaring?
For me, that age is 30. If I’m completely honest, I thought so many things would be different when I’m 30. And yes, some of you may be thinking -> Hold up! You aren’t even 30 yet. You’re right! I’m not yet. As I write this there are exactly 116 days until I turn 30.
And yep, you better believe it, I’m thinking about it….ALOT!
Last night I had my regular coaching session with my own life coach (because every great coach has their own coach) and I literally told her how I made a list of all the things I need to do or create in the next 116 days in order for me to feel like I’ve hit 30 with the energy and the feeling of doing life in the way I truly want to be doing it and how I want to be showing up in life. I want to let all the parts of me shine!
Maybe you’re thinking, why does 30 even matter? Why do you have to do anything other than what you are doing right now to enjoy your birthday and new age?
Well, let me tell you what goes through this crazy mind of mine at times when I don’t control it through meditation and breath and prayer.
The other day I was at my grandma’s with my favorite planner in hand, sitting there planning out the rest of my week in the utmost detail…naturally. And then I stopped. “Today is April 11th, Grandma! That means I only have 4 months left until I’m 30! This is not where I want to be in life when I celebrate 30! I have so much work to do in the next 4 months!”
Have you ever thought that when you are about to turn a particular age?
For me it runs so much deeper than age and the things I do. As I was talking to my coach last night, it was all about – How do I live like I’m dying and truly making an impact on people’s lives with how I choose to spend my time.
In the last 29+ years, I have loved, I’ve lost, I’ve been blessed, I’ve been rejected, I’ve been alone, I’ve been cared about, I have been loved by many, I’ve failed, I’ve been filled with gratitude, I’ve felt unworthy of love & success, I’ve been confident in who I am, I’ve laughed & danced a lot, I’ve been crazy successful and I’ve made mistakes that led to beautiful new beginnings. Let’s just say I have a lot of stories of what I’ve experienced in this first part of my life. Uffda.
As I think about all those experiences, I can wholeheartedly say that I don’t regret a single one of those experiences. I’ve embraced them, learned from them, and they have all molded me into the woman I am today.
BUT…..and that’s a BIG BUT!!!!
Life only matters and has impact if you believe it does. People have told me I’m too busy, I work too much, I spend too much time with my grandma, I have too much of a social life, I care too much about others, I spend too much time with my dog, I volunteer too much, I spend too much time alone (The introvert in me would strongly disagree!) and the list goes on and on of how I am “Too Much.” What if I’m not really too much? What if I’m designing my life to fill it with what matters most to me so that I can make an impact on people in a way that really matters before I take my last breath?
That is exactly what I thought about as I was working with my coach and sharing the impact I wanted to have on the world and how I wanted to focus on that for the next 116 days which meant I would have to say no to some things and people for a short while that are important to me.
I instantly went to that feeling of, “I need to control everything for the next 116 days. I need clear intentions and to obsess over what really matters if I’m going to feel how I want to on August 11th, 2019 when I turn 30.”
And yet, there is a part of me that wants to surrender it all. I want to surrender it to God because honestly, God doesn’t need me. But God chooses to want me and I want to want HIM every step of my life too. Somehow knowing that God loves me and wants me, makes me want to take the pressure and control off of my life and let it lead where He wants it to until my last breath. Knowing God wants ME, truly sets me free. The King of heaven, wants… ME. That’s astounding to me.
As my coach challenged me to really think about what matters most to me if I was dying, it was a bit uncomfortable if I’m totally honest. Like… really uncomfortable. It made me a bit anxious and for total transparency, it’s making me cry right now as I think about it. But the thing I want people to know most if I die tomorrow is that God cares about them and wants them. He has a plan for them. And me? It’s simple, if you are reading this, I guarantee, I love you and that YOU matter to me even if you feel like you don’t matter much to anyone else. You matter to me and you are loved.
So with that, all of us are dying to some extent. However, I’ve realized there is a fine line between living like you are truly dying and yet truly being in that vulnerable space of dying. I would just encourage you to know what really matters to you each day. Pursue what sets your soul on fire no matter what age you are. And make a difference in someone’s life in your own way no matter what age you are.
Yes, age doesn’t really matter….even if I get all hyped up about turning 30! Thank goodness most of my friends have turned 30 before me to help me through it. 😉
But seriously friend, your life matters more than your age. Think about what footprint you want to leave in this world and that will guide you. Your footprint matters. God believes you matter so much that He created you. You are full of value to people that need you. Stop doubting the light that shines from within you. You have done so much that matters in your life so far if you truly take the time to step back and think about it. You got this, I got this, we are doing this life together.
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